THE DARK SIDE OF AN ARTIST

(It's a tale of an artist with dark side flowing out in silent tears)

“Silent tears is like room full of silence with screaming high pitch fears and agony I posses” he said. It's not visible obviously but it's there. Showing not showing doesn't make difference. No matter what you do with the color black, it'll never leave it's existence. It's grunge and darkness.
Silent tears are like paintings which can be interpreted in any way until you read words by the artist. Silent tears are not very silent.

"

Always believed in grief

how much of it never left life

these painted murals

i try to erase all alone

where the body you loved once

sits heavy on my chest

Tonight, i saw a dream

in it's truest form.

"

A Brief glimpse of an unfinished entry, a nightmare which continuously haunts him. A dream he never dared to see again. 

Dear Diary

29 February 2013

Demons.. Clawing, scratching at my mind .. Wanting to break free.. At times in the day, it's like those demons are silenced except they start to scratch to break free at night.. The demons are hungry, but with a twist.. They want my happiness and sometimes, I want to give in so badly .. I try to write, paint it out somehow so that i can feel at ease but some nights, I fight them off but most nights, when I'm left alone with my thoughts they tell me bad things.. Things like I should harm myself , and to just end my pain .. The thing is, the pain I feel never truly goes away because it's still there at the back of my mind, and those demons wait until my weak points to scratch their way out.. If I just give in like before, succumb to them and start with the drugs.. The cutting, the drinking constantly again.. Sometimes, I get so close to cutting and I gave in recently.. I let myself take a blade to my own skin and it felt good.. It felt good because in that moment, the tears stopped falling from my eyes and I just realized that I was meant to take the physical pain, the silent tears.. It's what I'm for.. They asked me once, what do i do to keep myself sane and creative? Well.. I deserve it, any type of physical pain and that's why cutting calms me down because I feel like I deserve it..  The truth is, the demons are slowly taking away and I'm scared because I'm more depressed.. As time passes, they make me happier but at night, I break.. Each night when I'm alone, I break harder each time because those demons, they want blood and they deserve to have it because i'm nothing.. I'm just another empty soul in this world waiting for my pain and suffering to end.. That's how I feel because I expect the worse always.. The demons in my head give me anxiety, whispering things in my ear.. Like everyone I love is going to leave , they're going to stop wanting me around.. They'll find someone better and that's what the demons whisper before they strike at night and it overwhelms me.. It rips my heart to pieces because whether it's true or not.. The demons.. Oh they have a way with words that pierce through my ears like the sweet sound of music.. Nothing calms me sometimes when i hear Paganini playing. My whole being soaking it up and letting it rip me apart like your hands with paper.. That's what the demons in my head do..

This dark side i have to escape ..but worse, i'm nothing without it.

What do you know about an Artist?

Dark side of an artist is very much similar to dark side of the moon. You never know what unknown things its trying to hide. Being creative is a boom but Artist is bane. Its a painful silent battle within self that makes you look down on yourself but the brightest, adorable and attractive to others. its exactly like a devil with the red face, who doesn't comes with the red face and horns but everything we desire for. Its a long untold tale which has no end. Its a feeling like you've been sucked up by a blackhole because all you see is darkness and loss.

I wonder what do you know about an artist. You see the final picture but have you imagined how many times he draw? He might sob, cry, stress full of passion. Its so much bottled in that it leads to silent tears with screaming voices. I wonder what do you judge? Obviously the perfectionist wins and the person who gave their best and never got a tap of warmth loses.

Determination is not everything world!.

 Deep into water, we fight over nothing, the night just began. i refuse to listen to demons through my ears because .. He's speaking through my eyes now. 

"

Dark starry night, Dusk

A dream i saw began

it comprise of voices

A dream i wished goes on

mourning, it comprise of noises

Weeping doesn't help

haunting hugs do

A dream i created ends

it comprise of choices

Dark starry night, Dawn

"

You've no idea how powerful the thing can be who fills in the silence. What lives inside is your decision. 

Tale of Tears continous...

Moon  

https://darksideofanartist.blogspot.com/2020/11/the-dark-side-of-artist.html. copyright text. Reference photographs are taken from social websites. For more info or removal or any details contact blog owner. Last update 11/11/2020.